she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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