even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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