Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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