apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
