Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize