btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
