Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
