i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
