You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
