if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
