Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
