i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
