he wants to bone in the snuggie
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
