You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
