She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
