Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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