well you can't waste a boner
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
