do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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