guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
