Dual....:-)
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
operation have a gay friend backfired
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
