I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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