I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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