DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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