he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
