There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
