Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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