I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
