Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He shit in the fireplace
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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