She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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