we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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