I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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