my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
