And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
