She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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