it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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