That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
