Umm I'm too high to move.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything