i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy