Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked