I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
