Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!