i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.