you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.