the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
