So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
