So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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