i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
