Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
