Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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