Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
