Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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