It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
