Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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