If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
