My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
