literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
