you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you pee in the oven last night??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
