If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
