Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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