I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
