It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
