hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't turn off my feet"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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